


No Rest For The Wicked

by ngk_is_cool



Series: Good Omens Bingo 2021 [5]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: How Do I Tag, Mentioned Horsepersons of the Apocalypse (Good Omens), Pandemic - Freeform, Pandemics, The Other Apocalypse rider, indirect reference of Covid-19, look who is back, retirement is hell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-18 15:27:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29984925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ngk_is_cool/pseuds/ngk_is_cool
Summary: One never knows who they will meet in the occupational physician waiting room.
Series: Good Omens Bingo 2021 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2154867
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6
Collections: Good Omens Bingo 2021





	No Rest For The Wicked

**Author's Note:**

> An attempt to write a dialog, let me know if it worked :)  
> Brief reference to the cholerae plague, nothing graphic.  
> Written for the Good Omens Bingo fill "The Bench".

"Hello love, can I sit here?"

The person in the waiting room of the occupational physician looked at her, hesitated, but eventually moved their bag to make space for her on the bench.

"Thank you so much! It's been a long day, and my bones are not what they used to be. The truth is that I am just here for a routine inspection; the senior citizens home I work for requires me to do a check up every year. How tedious is that! And why are you here, may I ask?"

The person glared at her, in a level expression. It wasn't hostile per se, but neither was it friendly. When she was about to apologize and take the magazine that was in her purse, a murmured reply came. "Back from retirement, myself. Taking some time off after working for many years. But then the company called again and asked me to come back, and they are not the kind you can refuse to."

"Oh, that sounds dreadful! Oh, poor thing, you look like you still need rest. That's management for you, never thinking about the average worker! What is that you do?`` Once again, the other person took their time, considering their reply.

"You could say I'm a sales agent, spreading my product between people and places. "Plenty of traveling, constantly being on the move, it gets to you after a while."

"Maybe you can ask your boss to change assignments, to one that will allow you to remain in a single place? You can take charge of recruiting the young generation, no offence. Or perhaps marketing on the In-Ter-Net?" She pronounced every syllable with great care, as if it were going to bite her.

This time, the reply sounded almost rehearsed. "That is not an option, although my knowledge can be transmitted much more effectively through modern technology. But my boss is a creature of old traditions, and changes happen very slowly in the company. Did you know that it took me almost a decade to assimilate vibrio albensis?"

She looked baffled, and received a quick explanation: "yes, you should be more familiar with the name cholerae. Names change so quickly... It was a glorious time, if you ask me, but of course nobody does. I just got a memo informing me where to go, then as soon as the mission is complete, I move on to another area".

The voice softened a bit, but the woman could still hear the faint whisper: "oh, those were the days. So many people crowded together, so many humans to influence at once. But then you people got smarter, started washing your hands after using the loo, stopped dropping it on the street…”

And the worst of all, they invented vaccines! How was I supposed to deal with that? Everything seemed hopeless, there was no use to my skills anymore. Finally I retired, thinking my heyday was long gone. But now", they said, talking loudly again, nearly startling the unfortunate woman, "I'm back in business!"

The door to the doctor's office opened just then, the receptionist struggling to pronounce the next patient's name: "Flatulence? Pasta Lance?" No response came from the occupants in the room, so the receptionist tried again: “who is here for the 14:20 appointment?"

"Oh, that will be me! Don't worry, soon enough everyone will remember my name again", said Pestilence, rising from the bench towards the examination room. “Just wait and see.”

**Author's Note:**

> Was planning to write about Pepper and cat!Crowley, and then this happened. Next time!  
> Special thanks to Mimsynims, who offered the name Flatulence.


End file.
